Agreeing to Disagree: Love Trumps Being Right
Partially Edited Transcript
Agreeing to Disagree: The Key for Harmony, Peace and Love.
I base every fiction story I write on a value or life principle. And one of my favorite stories ever is Kiss me In Italy, because it revolves around the skill of Agreeing to Disagree, something that I consider crucial for all relationships, whether romantic or not.
Kiss Me in Italy: A Travel Medical Romance
Max and Chloe are as incompatible as two people can be. Chloe is a holistic medicine physician raised by hippies, who believes in energy healing and chakra aligning and who is a passionate vegetarian and a half-hearted vegan. Max is a physician researcher who believes in conventional medicine and the FDA, wants nothing to do with energy healing and is a passionate lover of meat and dairy, especially cheese and gelato. And we have tons of fun during the novel watching them banter about gelato and the vegan diet.
Max tis someone who takes life very seriously. He is a researcher, he’s a serious scientist and he truly believes that the best thing he can give to his patience is traditional pharma. And we have on the other side Chloe, this holistic physician who is a passionate of natural medicine and chakra alignment, and spiritual treatments. And she believes that that’s the best thing she can give to her patients. So we meet two people who are very good-hearted, and loving, and excellent human beings—but they cannot agree in anything. Everything that happened in the story is a metaphor for finding the common ground among the differences.
So, today I’m going to share with you the three points that I consider the most important in order to learn to learn the art of agreeing to disagree in our relationships . Ready? Here I go.
Agreeing to Disagree Point number one: People different from us help us grow.
It’s common knowledge in human psychology that as we grow up, we suppress traits of our personality— either because they are criticized by our parents or rejected by society— and we create a personality that is incomplete. We don’t allow all of us to develop.
Then, we find someone else who did a great job developing, perhaps over developing, those parts of the personality we didn’t expand, and we feel drawn toward them. [That’s why, typically], the thinker feels attracted to the feeler; the extrovert feels attracted to the introvert. The intellectual scientist, like Max in the story, feels attracted to the hippie dippy, airy lady, like Chloe in the story.
And then, when we get together, we rub each other in the wrong way— but it’s all in perfect order. It’s an opportunity for us to expand, grow beyond what we used to be. By stretching ourselves and agreeing to disagree, we become more than we used to be.
So, that’s the point number one. By meeting people who are different from us, we are inspired to grow and expand.
Agreeing to Disagree Point number two: Look deeper, into your shared core values.
This story was a typical example of two people who were completely different on the surface, but deep inside shared the same values. Max and Chloe both loved their patients; and they both valued honesty and integrity at work—they just had different definitions of what was the best way to take care of their patients. They both had that old fashioned [mind, and resisted] technology, which stood for the values of life simplicity, love for nature and love for history. They shared so much. If you go deeper, [those common values] become the anchor that we can use to connect to people.
I am not telling you here to try to be friends or fall in love with someone who doesn’t share your values. I am saying that if you open your eyes and you go deeper, and you take the time to get to know someone, you might be surprised at how much more in common you have than you thought.
So that is the concept number two, If you look deep inside, you will find the similarities. Go deeper from the appearance, into the core values.
If you go deeper, and take the time to get to know someone, you might be surprised at how much more in common you have than you thought.
Agreeing to Disagree Point number three: Love trumps being right.
I believe that the number one value in the world should be love. Maybe it’s different for you and you have a different core value that you honor the most [perhaps your word for love is kindness, or compassion, or respect…] But if we all put love first, In every one of our interactions, the world will be a very different place. Putting love above any other value, you have will always serve the relationship best.
My typical example of that is my friends and loved ones who are pro and against vaccine. When I disagree with one of them, my initial tendency would be to try to lecture them or nag them to convince them to believe in whatever I believe. That would be honoring my value of integrity and my value of living in what I considered truth and right—and those are wonderful values. However, my number one value is love. If by nagging this person in front of me, by berating them, I am going to be making a disservice to my value of love, then there’s no point on doing it.
That has made my life so much easier. Whenever I face a situation when I have to choose between two values, I always choose love first. Do I want to be right or Do I want to express love? Do I want to get my way, or do I want to honor my value of love? Every conflict can be made easier if you always remember to put that value first.
So, that was point. Number three. Know your values, and choose to put the value of love (or your definition of it: compassion, kindness, respect…) always first.
This week, I am celebrating that Kiss me in Italy. Is finally available on paper back.
I had a lot of fun, writing that story because I wrote it in the middle of the political campaigns. I had in my life people who I absolutely love who were Democrats and people I absolutely love who were Republicans. And I could see the beauty in them while they were attacking and fighting against each other. That’s how the story started taking shape in my mind. This would be an excellent gift to give to someone you love who needs to have a great time and laugh —and learn some lessons on agreeing to disagree.
It is also my excuse to explore some of the most beautiful places I’ve been in, in my life. Kiss me in Italy starts in beautiful Rome, and then takes you through breathtaking Florence. Sorrento. And it ends in unforgettable Venice.
(Click/tap here for a sample of this book. Or Keep scrolling down after the post for more information)
I hope you enjoyed this video. If you did, feel free to share and repost. And you know how to get me. Email me if you want any topics to be discussed in these videos.
This is the second video of a series explaining the hidden messages in my fiction stories and how they connect to my work as a life coach. (You can check the first video here)
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A Love Story that will Leave You with an Aftertaste of Joy and Hope..
Dr. Maxwell Steele is the incarnation of good-old-fashioned values. He’s an Army Veteran, a gentleman to the core, and the most ethical researcher I’ve met. I’ve had a crush on him since I was a medical student—which makes no sense. I’m a pacifist vegan raised by hippies, who balances chakras for living. In his world, like in my whole life story, I’m a misfit.
What’s worse, he has no respect for holistic doctors like me. And I once promised myself I’d never be with a man who doesn’t value me.
It’s quite inconvenient that he’s assigned to evaluate the medical conference I’m holding in Italy. How will I win him over for my professional cause without losing my heart in the process?
It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about him since that kiss years ago.
Dr. Chloe Willows’ image has haunted me for years, ever since that day she surprised me with a kiss. And despite my skepticism about her energy cleansing theories and her vegan diet, I can’t deny she’s the only woman I’ve wanted since I lost my wife.
But it doesn’t matter how much Chloe lures me with her beauty or fascinates me with her wit and wisdom. And it doesn’t matter how much we connect while touring Rome together. She represents an industry I mistrust and despise—the same people responsible for my wife’s death. Succumbing to this attraction would be betraying everything I believe in.
But now, we’re both stranded in Italy. My job security and her biggest professional dream depend on us working together to rejoin our group. Will I be able to fight this overwhelming pull toward her? Or will I discover that, more than fighting myself, I’m fighting destiny?